the best revenge

{via}

It’s no secret that I’m not the biggest fan of Taylor Swift. For starters, her music isn’t exactly my taste to begin with. But what really bugs me about T.Swift? Her ability to put down and shame others through her music. Sure her lyrics are catchy, but something about the way she talks about other people really rubs me the wrong way {and typically it's no secret as to whom she's talking about. case in point: dear john}.

I know a lot of artists use past experiences for inspiration for their songs--totally understandable. But as I was telling my friend just yesterday, there's a way to do it in a classy manner {Adele, anyone?}, and then there's.... Taylor's way. After listening to her music, who would want to date the chick? You just know that if things go wrong or end badly you’re going to have a gaggle of teenage girls hating you too and singing along on Top 40 radio.

I think when you end a relationship sourly, especially if you’re on the receiving end of the hurt, it’s easy to lash out and point fingers. You want the person to hurt just as much as they’ve hurt you—so if you’re in a position as Taylor as is, why not write a song about him and let people know about his shortcomings?

But as "they" say... the best revenge is living well. Nothing speaks louder than moving on and not letting your past hold you back. Words cut deep, sure, but I promise he’ll regret his decision and the hurt he caused if you a) find a boy 10 times cuter {a girl can dream} or b) move on and not look back for even a second.

So next time you have the urge to get even, whether it's blasting him on Facebook or slashing his tires {don’t pretend you haven’t entertained those ideas} think about how much better it will feel to make him squirm… make him THINK that you are much better off without him and I promise that will hurt worse than any song or poorly written Facebook diatribe.

PS... It should be noted that I'm sure Taylor is an incredibly nice girl who deserves someone great.

PPS... Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age. Does this blow your mind as much as it blows mine??

the best love of all

Via Pinterest

Happy Valentine's Day to all of our Smith & Emma fans. For the last week or so we have talked about love in terms of family, romantic relationships and friends...but today it's time to talk about the most important love relationship of all...the one with yourself!

Of course it is great to be loved by others. But it is essential to be loved by yourself. Not only is it the basis of healthy relationships with those said loved ones, you deserve it!

Loving yourself isn't telling yourself you are perfect (even though you are quite fantastic), but treating yourself with patience, kindness, gentleness and forgiveness, i.e. loving yourself the way you try to love others.

So, today, do something to show yourself a little love. Forgive yourself for something you did wrong, or splurge on coffee and a bagel, instead of just the coffee (this was mine ;)).

And of course, what would today be without a quote from Carrie Bradshaw? "But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself..."

Have a wonderful day ladies...and don't forget to celebrate YOU!

finding your fairytale

As a blogging practice, I do try to keep from spilling my guts about current relationships--whether that be with my boyfriend, a friend or my parents. However, in light of Valentine's Day, I'm going to dish--a little--about the romantic love in my life...for one reason mainly...our tale is certainly not out of a storybook.

My boyfriend and I met when he was on the verge of divorce and I was on the end of a much-too-long yet much-needed healing process to get over my ex. Put plainly, we were two people dealing with a lot of shit. We both went into the date, I think, for the same reason...to start moving forward from our pasts.

I call our first date my first "true date" in life. He asked me out. In person. He picked me up, came to my door and rang the doorbell. He opened my car door. He picked the place.

What happened next over appetizers and drinks was another date "first" for me. He asked me questions. About myself. A ton of them. He actually wanted to know who I was.

We ended the night on my porch with a hug and I agreed to see him again soon.

My point in telling you all of this wasn't a romantic, magical evening. We didn't talk all night long and I didn't lift my leg when he kissed me. He didn't even kiss me! But what was there was a high level of respect. He wasn't in it for a piece of ass. He wasn't in it to get a girlfriend. He was simply in it to get to know the girl he saw across the hall every day. For me, this did sweep me off my feet. It was something real.

We have dealt with a myriad of challenges since that first date. But what has remained true, and I think, has kept us together through the hardships we've faced is that same respect our relationship was founded on. We're in it for the other person. For no other reason than the fact we want to share our lives with one another. It helps, too, that the other small signs of respect, i.e. opening my door, hasn't stopped nineteen months later. Either have our pleases and thank you's, or our ability to think of one another (Today, for example, he called and asked if he could take me to class because it was cold outside. He's a prince, I tell ya).

My piece of advice on love is to find someone that is magical...to you. Not according to the rom com you watched or compared to your friend's beau. For me, the fact he walks on the outside of the sidewalk closest to the road is worth way more than a piece of jewelry. But that is just me! Find a person that suits you and that you suit. Find the guy with the right intentions. Who does his best to make you happy. And do your best to do the same for him. Because that, my dear lady-friends, is love.

Going overboard

Via Pinterest

Smith & Emma Land, how I have missed you. Excuse my MIAness, I've just been so up my relationship's ass I have A) Forgotten I have a life. B) Almost ruined my relationship.

Can you tell I'm a bit angry with myself? Mainly because I am the queen of doing this thing where I get in a serious relationship and begin to slowly but surely allow it to suck the life out of me. Sometimes because my boyfriend has required it, and sometimes {such as this instance} because I have thrown myself at it like a crazy woman in front of a train.

And now, my dear friends, I've been run over.

But, lucky for me, the train didn't kill me this time. But one of these days its going to. So it's time to snap the hell out of it and for once, actually learn my lesson.

Why I do this, I'm not so sure. But, I do know I'm not alone. Liz Gilbert says in Eat, Pray, Love in regards to relationships: “If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will protect upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check..."


The funny thing is, this time around the man I love requires none of this. But I shove it down his throat anyway. And then, since he has become the reason for my very being, when something doesn't go "right" I overanalyze a word, a look, a feeling, a thought, anything, until I've exhausted myself, my friends and him.


I've been an analyzer since as long as I can remember { I am going to be a shrink after all}. It's kind of a part of who I am. Most of the time, I like this aspect of myself. I tend to be self-reflective and self-aware, which {i hope} allows me to be a better person. But sometimes, the overanalyzing can cause me to push away people I care about. But I've forgotten that I don't let people in that easy. If I do let someone in as a friend or boyfriend, whatever it may be, it's because I think you are all kinds of wonderful. And at the end of the day, that is what I need to remember. I need to trust the people I've let in. Take their word for it and move on. 


It's time to get my life back. To get back to me being the reason behind me. To have my relationship be a part of my life. Not who I am. No healthy relationship can exist that way. Not to mention this guy is actually one that doesn't need to be driven off.


To anyone who has lost themselves in a relationship--with a boyfriend, a friend, a parent, a sibling--get yourself back. If they really love you, they'll love you more for it.

just married

(via, and also lyrics from one of my favorite love songs)

This is not what I planned on blogging about today, but I can't help but say something because it seriously riled me up so much! After venting to my mom about it last night, she was the one who suggested I write this blog about it...

What riled me up, you ask? Kim Kardashian and that sham of a marriage.

It makes me sick to my stomach to think about how much this wedding cost, how many advertising dollars were earned, how much they earned as a couple, etc. etc. etc. from the entire spectacle that surrounded that whole relationship. I will admit to watching the first special on the wedding. But even before I knew about the divorce, I could not stand to watch the second part of the special because it was a gross spectacle to me. I get the idea of celebrating a relationship with an over-the-top party, but to go that extreme just seemed inappropriate and irresponsible, especially now in hindsight! But the wedding is not what this is about, this is about the 72 days later divorce.

One of my favorite bloggers, the Angry Therapist, basically said everything I was thinking on the matter. You should definitely check out his blog if you haven't already, but here is my favorite part of what he wrote:

I think there’s a tremendous lack of responsibility here. I don’t know their hearts or the details of their relationship but unless there was physical / emotional abuse, 72 days is not a marriage. It’s a summer fling. I don’t care if they went straight in couples counseling right after the honeymoon, 72 days is not enough to say you worked on your marriage.
-Marriage Abuse, The Angry Therapist

I want to get married one day. But it's people like Kim K. who makes marriage look like a joke. And when people are getting married and divorced in 72 days, what's so special about marriage any way?

I believe that marriage is an entirely personal thing, to be chosen by two responsible adults when they feel like they can sustain their relationship for the long term. Am I naive to think that all marriages can and should last forever? No... I understand that things happen, people change, etc.

But then I look at my parent's marriage.... They've been married for almost 30 years. Have raised four awesome kids (I may be biased...). And have truly been through the gauntlet including health issues and scares, moves, and now believe it or not, they live on opposite sides of the world-my dad has worked and lived in China for several years now. And yet, their relationship is the strongest I've ever seen. They Skype every day. They have a mutual love for each other. But more than that, a mutual respect. Something I can only hope to emulate one day.

Their marriage gives me hope. I just wish it was people like them that were celebrated in the media and today's society... and not people like Kim Kardashian.I suppose it says more about our society than Kim Kardashian herself, that we would put up with this. It also makes me sad to think that there are couples who are in love and would truly fight for their relationship who can't get married (yes, I went there). But then again, I know couples who aren't married and have much more fulfilling relationships than a lot of marriages. But for something that I hope to one day do, I find more offense in letting people like Kim get off so easily when others who would love to marry their significant other can't. I'd rather share the "sanctity of marriage" with them, than those like Kim.

Listen, I'm sure Kimberly is a great lady. I'm not judging her as a person... just judging her lack of respect for a special vow that I hold on a pretty high pedestal. I think a lot of people felt the "slap in the face" I felt after flaunting her marriage so publicly, only to toss it aside when she grew tired of it.
P.S. 7 other things that take 72 days

Edited to add: I just saw that Kim wrote a blog post today about the divorce. {You can read it here.} I must say, that although my feelings really haven't changed, it's nice to know she apparently didn't make any money off the wedding and will be donating money from gifts to a worthy cause. {The first question my mom had when I told her about the divorce was about returning the gifts...ha!}

What do you think about her post?? Do we forgive her? I don't know... but does she seem like a horrible person? Absolutely not.

Just wish she would have gotten off the "roller coaster."

Peace & blessings, loves!

Dress to Impress...Yourself.

Recently a high school girl and her mom were in our store looking for a homecoming dress. The girl was deciding between two, and said 'Maybe I should let Andrew decide.' Andrew was her boyfriend. Her mom's response? 'Uh, no. You choose the one you want.' His opinion didn't count in this realm. I overheard and said, 'She's right. That's a good mama.'

Because she was right. Now don't get me wrong. There are times on a date with my man I will opt for a sexy black dress versus my floral jumpsuit. But that doesn't mean I still don't own the floral jumpsuit and wear it whenever I like. 

I conversed with a girl recently who opted out of a certain clothing item she loved because her boyfriend didn't like it. It made me a little mad. I wanted to shake her and tell her to wear whatever the hell she wanted. Beyond the feminist fire shooting out of my ears in that moment, it goes back to the ability to have a good relationship... you can't change who you are to make someone else happy. We're talking about clothes, I realize, but even changing that small thing about yourself isn't a good move.

I'm not saying you have to rock a turban and harem pants. Or not want your boyfriend to think you look hot. But the bottom line is, you do look hot. Be confident. Rock that jumpsuit and I bet he's going to become a fan. But if he doesn't and you love it? You better wear it!

I remember one night my man had planned a fancy dinner out. I went back and forth over what to buy to wear and ended up buying this gorgeous, flowy white maxi dress. I felt beautiful in it. It wasn't sexy, it wasn't tight or low cut. It was fashion-forward and pretty. When I opened the door he just stood there. We shared one of those sappy take my breath away moments. Then there was the 'Wow,' that made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. (Gosh this paragraph is cheesy. My apologies. Roll your eyes if needed.) 

So be you. Wear what you want. Chances are he's going to think you look most beautiful in sweats anyway. Plus he should love you for who you are. (Including your fabulous fashion sense.) And if he doesn't? Well, you know what to do with him.

Below are some of my favorite looks you should try!

Boyfriend jeans. Gotta love the name for the baggiest jean there is. 

Shoes with socks. Yes, yes, yes.

High-Waisted EVERYTHING.

Maxi ANYTHING.

Maxi's with boots.

Maxi's with sweaters. Or tees. Or cardies.

The world became a better place on this day.

Since Annye is busy planning birthday festivities, I have to take the time out today to write a little post in honor of her mother, a woman who I whole-heartedly admire. Today is Annye's mom's birthday. Most certainly a day to be celebrated.

As mom and daughter relationships go, we all know they can be rocky. They can be unhealthy. They can be flat out non-existent by our age. But Annye and her mom have a relationship that is exactly the one I want to have with my daughter some day. While Annye and Valli are the only ones who know the ins and outs of their relationship, as a spectator I can tell you I see quite a bit of love, support and honesty between the two of them. 

Not only is their relationship one to admire, but Valli's ability to raise four amazing children. Annye, whom I obviously know the best, is a woman I am proud to call my friend. A kind, smart, funny, confident, beautiful person. Someone with her feet on the ground but her head in the clouds. Always realistic about what's here and now, but always dreaming of what she is capable of. And we all know that is certainly anything. Annye couldn't be that way without some rock-solid confidence and that rock-solid confidence would be hard to come by without that wonderful woman who raised her to believe in herself.

I heard some quote a while back about how the true testament of if you are a good parent or not is how your children speak of you when you aren't around. Well, Valli, with those four kids of yours smiling because of you today, I'd say you passed the test with flying colors.

Enjoy your birthday and all of those that love you!

bad date hall of fame

I was watching an episode of Parks & Rec, one of my favorite shows, last night. In it, Leslie Knope {the main character} was talking about all the bad dates she has ever been on. This spurred my idea to share with y'all one of my worst first dates. Enjoy!

Let me preface this by saying I don't typically recommend going on a date with someone you know nothing about. It usually does not end well. But I was in college and willing to try anything once. Sorry mom!

It all started at a party {isn't that how it all starts??} one Saturday night. I met this boy who was cute and seemed nice enough. We talked for a while at the party--but didn't really get to know each other that well. We had no mutual friends, and I don't even think he went to my school, but since he seemed like a nice guy, I agreed to go on a date with him anyways--again, willing to try anything once.

We made plans to meet at a diner in Chicago the following weekend. When I arrived for our date, it was clear he had been at the restaurant for a little while, as he already had food in front of him. In fact he was finishing up his meal as I walked in. RED FLAG. Weird, because like most dates, I had assumed we would be eating together since it was dinnertime and we were meeting at a restaurant. But okay, I let it slide. Instead of staying at the restaurant and letting me order food, he said he wanted to go for a walk. Hmm... okay, I went along with it.

So we walked out to the lakefront in Chicago and took in the beautiful scenery. While we were talking and chatting he happened to mention that he had just gotten out of rehab (for a harder drug that I won't mention). BIG RED FLAG. I guess I'm just not that into recovering addicts. And talk about awkward conversation topic! Should you even bring that up on a first date with a girl you barely know? Probably not. Leave that conversation when you're more serious and she's too invested to run for the hills.

After that I was pretty turned off, but not one to be rude, I stuck around a while longer. He mentioned that he lived around the corner and asked if I wanted to see his apartment. RED FLAG. If a guy asks if you want to see his apartment, he wants other things. Just sayin’. And because I clearly wasn’t feeling it, but didn’t know how to get out of it, I agreed to go, but said I wouldn’t be able to stick around much longer--classic line to say I'm not interested. Well we get to his apartment, only to find out he was still living with his parents. RED FLAG. Yes, he was trying to make moves on me in his parents house--not okay. Needless to say, I didn't stick around long enough to meet his parents or make plans for another date. Sadly, that was the last I saw of him.

Definitely one of the weirder dates of my life. Don’t get me wrong, he seemed like a nice enough guy and I hope he’s found someone who makes him very happy—but that just wasn’t going to be me.

On another note, it's my lovely co-blogger Jena's birthday tomorrow. So be sure to wish her a great 24th birthday. We'll be celebrating by floating down a river... can't wait! Hope you have a great weekend friends!