feel it girl

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I've been learning about group counseling this semester, and part of the class is actually being a counseling group. The purpose of the group is personal growth.

I've gained a lot of insights through the experience, but the one that sticks out with me is this one: Why can't we just feel?

What is with this need to appear as though we have it together all of the time? "I'm fine," "I'm good," "Things are great!" when really you can't stop crying over your oatmeal because your dad is sick or you hate your job or that guy you like doesn't like you back.

Life sucks sometimes. And while I'm all for positive psychology, I think negative emotions have an important place in our lives. And being honest about how we feel has an even more important place.

My group leader made an awesome point on this topic the other night that got my brain racing. What happens when an animal is wounded?

They retrieve. They cower. Others attack.

Either way, animals don't hold back in expressing two of the dubbed "ugly" emotions -- fear and anger -- for purposes of survival.

I'm reading a book that talks about communicating our emotions in a more positive way. But, the author never says to ignore what you are feeling. She says feelings and emotions indicate to us that there is a problem.

What if we think of hurt, sad, mad and scared as mechanisms for survival? Indicators that change is necessary? I wrote in a post awhile back about how I was going to sit with my sadness post-breakup. I was just going to feel it. And I did, for a little while. But, truth be told, that guy I love was struggling with the sadness, too. And now we are finding ourselves back in the same exact spot we were in before we parted ways. Nothing has really changed. Maybe the sadness was there for a reason, and I can't help but wonder if maybe we tried to escape it just a little too soon.

So my point here is this -- so what if you are the sad girl for the day? Or the angry one? If you really are sad or angry? What if it were okay to not be "happy" and "pleasant" 24/7? What if we were honest about what we were feeling? What then? What may change if we just allow ourselves to feel it until we don't need to feel it anymore?

I remember a break up years ago where I truly believed at that time I wasn't going to make it through. I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. But then I made it. One day, I just wasn't sad anymore. And you know what? I have never looked back. I've never missed him or second guessed it. And I have a hunch it's because I let myself go there. I let myself feel all of it.

be afraid. but do it anyway.

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start your week with a little bravery. 

happy monday friends!

nice to see you again friday

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A terrible yet hilarious photo from a Snoop Dog concert last summer.
 Definitely less worry-free right here. ;)

TGIF! Did this week drag on for any of y'all? It seems like Friday took forever to get here, but we couldn't be happier to see it.

Enjoy your weekend lovelies!

Annye's:

1. I confess that I’ve realized this week how weak I am. As in, no upper body strength to be heard of. To be clear, I’ve never really possessed any (thanks to years of dancing) but this week I’ve been lugging heavy boxes for work and let me just tell you it’s embarrassing how sore my arms are.
2. I confess that I hesitantly went to my friend’s band's show all by myself last night. I admit this is definitely a first for me. Not exactly one to do things by myself. I’m a pretty independent lady but being in social settings alone is always kind of awkward, am I right? I can happily report it wasn’t as bad as I assumed it would be.
3. I confess that I’m coming to terms with my Type A personality. I used to deny this side of me—in fact, if you didn’t know any better you’d probably assume I wasn’t Type A at all. Not overly organized, known to be messy, etc. But lately I can see myself needing structure, organization and planning more than ever. Guess I can attribute this to getting older perhaps?
4. Related: I confess that although I do enjoy planning things, I always seem to take a back seat approach in my relationship. It’s sort of like backseat driving. I let him do the planning, but then tell him how it really should be done ;) I like him to take charge, but most of the time I already know what I want to do and have to take over. Ha! 
5. I confess that North Korea is kind of freaking me out. Somehow I don't see this ending well.

Jena's:

1. I feel like I'm full speed ahead into my future as a counselor. Cue interviews for internships and working with real. live. clients. Cue...vomit. I confess that I couldn't be more excited that it's swiftly approaching or more terrified. This work comes with a huge feeling of responsibility, as it should, but am I ready? 
2. I confess that I am terrible at saying no. I was honestly trying to think of the last time I even said 'no' when someone asked me to do something. I can't remember. I've got to learn to be more assertive...like now. 
3. I confess that I carry my stress with me like a dog does his favorite bone. I cannot let it go. So much so that I had to go to the chiropractor for the first time on Monday. When he touched my neck he said, "Oh my" from the build up of knots. When stress starts manifesting itself in your body, its kind of a wakeup call to channel your inner Bob Marley. 
4. I confess that I am calling a psychic on Saturday morning. She lives in Connecticut. I've basically called this woman once a year for the last 2 years -- and she's been right about some significant things. I try not to put to much stock in it, but it's fun and in a weird way -- really calming.
5. I confess I have had a bit of baby fever lately. Makes perfect sense being that I'm not married, or done with graduate school, oh and I barely make enough money to support me...my body and my mind -- definitely not in sync right now. But they are just so darn cute. Tiny little squishy miracles. Some day. Some day.

bow and count

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I have found myself in a little life rut - feeling moody, down and worst of all - sorry for myself. Yuck. I've learned in times like this it's important to point out all of the good things and show some thanks to help you shift the focus from what's wrong to what is good.

When you're down and out -- it's time to bow and count. 

Dear God/Universe/Big Man Upstairs:

Thank you for my health. This is one of those things I definitely take for granted. 

Thank you for my jobs. They allow me to be independent, and pay for my graduate education. No graduate loans is a huge financial relief.

Thank you for my friends. They accept me in my moody, broody ways, and well, that's awfully nice of them.

Thank you for my ability to write. Writing can bring me such a sense of peace.

Thank you for this often tumultuous, uncertain yet exciting time of my life. It's about the journey, right?