just one message

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Last night I had another great night with a lovely group of women I consider some of the best. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Some food. Some wine. Lots of girl talk. I've learned to appreciate nights like those more and more, simply because I always leave feeling lifted up, encouraged, inspired and mostly importantly like I am exactly where I am supposed to be in life.

Which is why, if I had one message for younger girls it would be this....

Start cultivating your group of girl friends.

Weed out the bad. Stick with the good.Find girls you trust. Girls you like most importantly. Girls who share the same morals and beliefs as you. Who have fun doing nothing. Girls you can be silly with and serious with. Who encourage you and build you up when you need it.

I don't mean a large group of girls you kind of like. I mean two or three solid girls who you love like sisters, who will stick with you through thick and thin and who can laugh at you just as much as you laugh at yourself. Who will listen to you cry when you need to cry, will call you out for you bullshit when you need to be put in your place, and who will cover your ass, no questions asked, should the moment arise.

Now, more than ever, you're going to need a solid group of friends. You're not going to get the job you want one day and you'll need someone to call to bring over a bottle of wine and commiserate with you. A boy is going to break your heart and someones going to need to be there to pick you up off the bathroom floor. You're going to make a fool of yourself on New Years Eve and you are going to need someone to laugh at you for it, and then go buy McDonalds for your raging hangover.

We've all dealt with bitchy girls. Or girls who we thought were our friends only to find out they weren't. I wish that as women we can learn to lift each other up much earlier in life. But the good news is that eventually one day, you can leave all the petty drama behind and find real adult women who care about you just as much as your actual family--and sometimes you might even end up liking them more than you like your actual family.

Navigating life is just plain hard sometimes, but somehow it becomes a little bit easier when you have people to lean on and trust. And who you can commiserate with about your stomach cramps and PMS. ;)

Your BFFL,

No Dice

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I read an article in Glamour this weekend that I think is definitely worth talking about. My generation, sadly, isn't really taking birth control seriously enough. We have this 'If it happens, it happens' attitude.

Now, don't get me wrong. I get the if it happens I'll make it work thing. Because if it happened to me, I would make it work. That is just how I would deal. But when did "dealing" with pregnancy become standard?

Ladies, we don't have to "deal." We can choose. How awesome is that? We can pop a pill, use a ring, have an IUD, I don't know - use condoms, perhaps? And 99% of the time, we aren't going to get pregnant. I read a book not long ago based on an NPR series called, "This I believe." (Great book, PS.) Anywho, do you know why Margaret Sanger fought so hard for the legalization of birth control? She hoped for a world where babies were wanted. And in a world where babies are desired, and planned, we have parents who are ready to parent. We have happier people.

But you would be happy anyway, right? Well, yes, you probably would. And he would stay with you right? Probably. Hopefully. But why take that gamble? A majority of the longterm couples who get pregnant unplanned and unmarried break up. When you don't know you're pregnant til 6 weeks in or later, all those glasses of red wine and lack of prenatal care can impact the health of your child. I don't know about you, but all of these things are not something I'd like to take a chance on.

If I sound preachy, forgive me. That terrible relationship I was in? I was on birth control at times. But then I'd skip a month. Or a few pills. I gambled. Thinking about that now almost makes me sick to my stomach. But when I was in it, when I loved him, I didn't think of it like that. I just didn't think, honestly. And I am so much smarter than that. So are you. Maybe your relationship is fantastic. But on the small chance that the fantastic may run out and you may not really know each other yet...take a form of birth control. I know that I may marry a man some day. Plan a pregnancy. Have a beautiful family. And then it all may go to shit. Life has no guarantees. But, I want to be able to scream and jump up and down when I look at that positive pee test. I want to be able to buy an "I love my daddy" onesie, wrap it up, and give it to that man I love with a huge smile on my face...and then see him smile just as big. Because that is how it should be.

Something I was able to totally understand in the article was women feeling that if they "gambled" with birth control, then the choice of marriage and babies or career wasn't theirs. It was whatever was "meant to be." I get the pressure. If it doesn't happen now, maybe it will never happen? But I whole-heartedly believe you can have the marriage and the babies and the career. When you choose. When you plan. And who cares which comes first? I think my generation has this fear that after 30 we've given up the marriage/baby path. Like it magically disappears. Puhhhlease.

And maybe marriage and babies aren't going to be part of your life story. So what. There are other things in life that will make you happy and fulfilled. Stop trying to force it to happen. Don't trap yourself with a baby and a man you're not sure about because you're afraid of not having it. A "this is better than nothing" attitude is not the route to go when it comes to PEOPLE. They deserve more. And so do you.

And you know what else? If the marriage and the man don't happen, but you've focused on your career, you are successful financially, you have a home, you are stable and happy - you, by all means, could still have a baby. You could adopt. What a gift to give. And you made it happen because you, my dear, are a kick ass woman. What could be more fulfilling than that?

So, ladies...my point is there are so many things in our lives we can't control. But there are some things we can. Or some things we can at least try to control. And luckily, thankfully for us, that is when we have a child. So use your right to use birth control. And take it a bit more seriously. Positive thinking is great--but not wishful thinking. In the wise words of Miss Gilbert - "Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be."

telling the future

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Do y’all ever read your horoscopes? I wouldn’t say I read mine regularly, but from time to time I take a peek just out of curiosity. And since yesterday was the first of the month and I happened to stumble upon it through a few other bloggers, I did check it out. And let me tell you, September seems like it might be a doozie for this girl.

First of all, I am a Gemini. For those of you who know anything about astrological signs, this is basically a warning to stay the hell away ;). We are said to be cunning, inconsistent, and slightly bipolar. Also very spontaneous, lively, witty, and good at communicating. We’re the infamous twins, so we have a good side and a dark side. {insert my evil and cunning laugh here}

Anyway, I wanted to share the first part of my horoscope, provided by Susan Miller’s Astrology Zone—she provides super in depth monthly horoscopes that sometimes are a little toooo freaky.

"September is a study in contrasts. It is almost as if September were two different months, with the sunny phase coming in the first 23 days, and then as you get deeper in the second half, most noticeable after September 24, gale force winds will show up and keep blowing through the middle of October. The universe will be speaking especially loudly and clearly this month, so it won't be a challenge to try to figure out what it is trying to say."

What is the universe going to say??? Perhaps that I have millions of dollars headed my way. A girl can dream.

I won’t lie, my horoscope made me weary for the month ahead (and October, too). I told my mom about it last night and she basically rolled her eyes at me the whole time. Believe me, I try not to play too far into it, but you can’t blame me for being curious.

So what about you? Do you believe in horoscopes and all that crazy talk? Someday Jena will have to blog about her stories with astrology and her psychic—they are certainly interesting and compelling! You can check out your horoscope for the month here. Hopefully your outlook for September is a little bit more uplifting than my own.

Fall Fashion LOVES!

I've been thinking about what to blog about for a week now. Feeling overwhelmed with a bunch of topics that stress me out too much to actually deal with, I've instead decided to share with you trends for fall I am most excited about. Ah, avoidance is bliss.

Whatever this is called where the dress is a bit longer in the back. I should probably know the fashion term for this, but I don't. However, we have gotten in tons of this at the boutique I work at. On dresses, on skirts. I love it. It's something new (I think?) and fun. Adds a little funk, don't you think?

PS- Recognize the gorgeous model above? It's Annye's baby sis!

Booties. I love booties. And I really love these booties. So much so that I already blew the money on these puppies I won't be able to wear in Arkansas for another few months. Comfy (I swear), and adorable with everything - they are a fall staple everyone must have. 

Layers. I love fall fashion the most for this very reason. I can wear the same thing 3 days in a row 3 different ways. A huge trend for fall this year is layering over those ever-so-popular summer maxis. Way to be frugal, fashion gods! Keep those maxis out and put cropped sweaters, long sweaters, vests, and cropped or oversized t-shirts over your favorite summer maxis. You'll be cozy, look cute and feel smart for being oh-so sustainable with your wardrobe.