to love life

"to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you’ve held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again."

— The Thing Is, by Ellen Bass

As I alluded to in my last post, 23 was rough. If you were reading Smith & Emma then, you can probably remember the struggle I had to just be happy. To find meaning. To be content.

I was working a job I hated. Single. Lost. Confused. Blah. Blah. Blah. 

Somewhere in there, I found this poem, and forced myself to suck it up . . . grabbed life like a face and said, yes I will love you again. Begrudgingly. I guess. ;)

I got a new job. Decided I was going to enjoy my twenties even if it hurt me, regardless of my relationship status. Surrounded myself with friends. And new hopes. And dreams. And felt excitement for the future. Finally.  

And it worked. This poem inspired a pivotal moment for me--a change of heart and a different way of thinking. 

I turned another year older. Said some goodbyes to things that were weighing me down. And before I knew it, I truly loved life. Without having to remind myself I did. 

The point of this is to say, everyone of us is going to have rough patches. Life is shitty sometimes—no sugar coating that. But just when you think you can’t take it anymore, the sun breaks through the clouds and you can suddenly breath again. And if you just let yourself hold out for that minute, that moment in time that will literally save you, it’s worth it.

The tricky part is--that moment is up to you. Our frame of mind is a huge factor in how our life plays out. If you expect the worst, that's what you will get. But if you consciously decide to put an effort into choosing love, positivity, good vibes and all that jazz--good things are bound to happen.

You never know what’s behind the next corner, lurking behind a closed door, waiting to surprise you when you least expect it. You may just find your dream job, get an opportunity to travel the world, find a new passion that takes your life in a crazy new direction or meet a stranger who sweeps you off your feet . . . 

Until then, I hope this poem helps you as much as it helps me to remember to love life especially when I have no stomach for it.