where is the happy hiding

via Instagram (@jlenea)

One of my professors said something interesting last night that I keep thinking about. He said, "You already have happiness in you." He followed it with a snarky, "So sorry, it doesn't come with a BMW," (Yeah, those pretentious idiots!) he continued, "or your boyfriend." (Oh.) "The question is -- how are you going to unleash it?"

Given that the man has been a therapist for over 30 years, I've got to trust that he's right on this one.

So, um, happiness -- if I already have you, where the hell are you hiding? Though I don't really know the answer (yet), I do know that happiness is not something outside of me. It won't come with more clothes, a new boyfriend, or a vacation. (Though, I've got to argue these things probably help.)

The good news is -- my happiness is completely in my control. The scary news is -- my happiness is completely in my control.

But what does that really mean? Does it mean I just choose to look at all things in a positive light?  With how hard the concept of happiness is to master -- (have you seen the self-help section at Barnes + Noble? And yes, I am a frequent shopper.) I've got to assume it's a little harder than that.

That said -- I'm on an excavation within. What moves me and me alone? For a majority of my life I've found meaning in taking care of the people in my life -- mainly my boyfriends. Newsflash to me -- none of them have put a ring on it -- and even when and if I'm ever married that and that alone can't bring me my meaning or my true happiness -- or i'll be writing on this thing about my divorce.

So what is it beyond helping people -- both personally and professionally -- that is going to bring me joy? I've got a hunch. Well, it's more of a big, giant, often unfathomable idea -- spirituality. I learned in one of my counseling courses (A YEAR AGO! Yes, I'm rolling my eyes at myself.) that spirituality accounts for the biggest aspect of happiness. It makes sense, I think. If your meaning can't depend on things -- nor a step above to people -- than it has to come from something much bigger...right?

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