the bad & the ugly...

via pinterest

A week ago or so I had hit a rough patch. I was questioning my involvement in a few things, feeling tension with a good friend and having family issues. I sat down at my computer and thought what the heck is wrong with me? Am I an asshole?

I thought of my favorite author, Miss Gilbert, and her book Committed.  In it, her and her lover Felipe, write a list of their worst traits. Of course we can take the good that comes with someone. The fact they are funny or smart or good-looking. But what about the bad? We all come with not-so-great traits.

I started making a list and trying to really think about it. Being neurotic like I can tend to be, I started questioning my list. Am I really this way? What about this... That one time I did this, does that make me? You get the idea...

So, as I continue to slave over my list, last night I realized one thing that is for sure under my bad traits: I can be a freaking slob.

Exhibit 1: Last weekend I washed my sheets for the second time since April. I still have not made my bed with those sheets. Instead, the pillowcases and fitted sheet sit crumpled in ball at the bottom of my bed. The other sheet lays on top of my mattress, and that my friends, is what I sleep on top of. Exhibit 2: Last night I came home from a 3 hour meeting, ate a piece of cornbread for dinner. And a cookie. Or maybe it was two cookies. I had a glass of wine with my roomies, and at about 11:30, ate a chocolate ice cream bar. At midnight, I made my way up stairs. Sleeping in the shirt I had worn that day. I didn't brush my teeth or take off my make up. I was completely sober.

Now, most nights I brush my teeth. And some nights I take off my make up. But my bedroom floor is usually covered in clothes and the sheet thing... I have been guilty of since college.

I don't know why I am this way, but I am. I get my bouts where I pick up every day, and I swear to you, when things start to get "dirty" versus "messy" I will spend the day cleaning. But the mess has never bothered me or given me an ounce of anxiety. I'd rather spend the night visiting with my friends, or cuddled up with that man I can't seem to stop liking. I like to look at this way: I have a life to live people. The tidying thing is a waste of life. And I am sticking to that. Now, the falling asleep without brushing my teeth and taking my make up off...that is just bad hygiene. Whoops.