Monday, December 5, 2011

miss independent


Something you should know about me: I'm an independent to a fault.

I don't know if it's because I'm one of four kids and the middle child, so I was raised to be independent, of if I was just been destined to be this way, or what... but I am probably the most independent person I know.

Don't get me wrong... I love friends and I love my family and I love being around them. But when it comes to having to depend on someone for anything, it makes me feel really uncomfortable. I don't want to be taken care of, I don't want to feel like I ever need anything from anyone. Which, let's face it, is super ridiculous. I'll at least need someone to kill spiders for me for the rest of my life ;)

The worst part is, I really, really wish I wasn't so independent. I want to be able to rely on people, I want to be able to wish I had someone around to take care of me, I want to be able to let people in to take care of me. Most of the time, I just feel like it's easier to be by yourself then let people in. But sometimes, I envision being able to be more dependent. I know that's silly, but the grass is always greener, right?

The chances for me to become more dependent on people now are slim. I'm 23 years old. It's an engrained part of me by now. I can work on opening myself up to new people and I'm trying to get better at that. But I don't think I'll ever be able to fully open up to new people very easily. Or fully accept that there are other people than my mom and dad who can take care of me.

Basically, I just want to know.... are you independent or dependent and do you ever wish you were opposite? I know there are people who are really dependent and wish they weren't, but how do you work to make yourself change? Or vice versa?


  1. I've never really thought about this before..I would say I'm both! I'm not afraid to do things on my own (ie go to church or a movie or something) whereas my roomie won't go anywhere without a buddy, for example, so I'd say I'm independant in that way, but I definitely let my mood be affected by others too much, so I'm dependent on people too. Great post -definitely made me think!

  2. Great post A!

    I have prided myself on being independent, too. Moving to Arkansas was my boldest independent move yet, but it ended up forcing me to reach out to others, ask for opportunities, and rely on loved ones for emotional support. At the end of the day, I do believe it is important to KNOW you can rely on you and only you, but it doesn't mean you have to!

  3. I was very very independent until I started living with my boyfriend. It changes you a lot I guess. I lived in France for a year, moved from Massachusetts to Arkansas for college, and was a sort of social butterfly/loner combo in school. But sharing my life with my boyfriend has changed a lot of it. It's meant giving up a lot of "me" time that I used to get. I miss it for sure but I'm happy with where I am. But as always, I miss having my girl friends. I've had a hard time meeting people in NWA but that's mostly because I didn't have a car when I first moved here.