Something you should know about me: I'm an independent to a fault.
I don't know if it's because I'm one of four kids and the middle child, so I was raised to be independent, of if I was just been destined to be this way, or what... but I am probably the most independent person I know.
Don't get me wrong... I love friends and I love my family and I love being around them. But when it comes to having to depend on someone for anything, it makes me feel really uncomfortable. I don't want to be taken care of, I don't want to feel like I ever need anything from anyone. Which, let's face it, is super ridiculous. I'll at least need someone to kill spiders for me for the rest of my life ;)
The worst part is, I really, really wish I wasn't so independent. I want to be able to rely on people, I want to be able to wish I had someone around to take care of me, I want to be able to let people in to take care of me. Most of the time, I just feel like it's easier to be by yourself then let people in. But sometimes, I envision being able to be more dependent. I know that's silly, but the grass is always greener, right?
The chances for me to become more dependent on people now are slim. I'm 23 years old. It's an engrained part of me by now. I can work on opening myself up to new people and I'm trying to get better at that. But I don't think I'll ever be able to fully open up to new people very easily. Or fully accept that there are other people than my mom and dad who can take care of me.