Friday, September 9, 2011

the friend zone


Do you think it's possible to stay on good terms with your ex?
Do you think it's healthy to stay friends with your ex?
Is it okay that your significant other is friends with their ex?

Both deep questions I am pondering on this lovely Friday. Here's my take:

Personally, I think it's possible and healthy.

Of all of my exes (I am talking casual dating to serious boyfriends) I am friends with the ones that ended on good terms. I can proudly say I can not only carry on a conversation with all but maybe three of my exes, I would even consider them friends.

Here's my philosophy. Most guys I date, I date because I like them as human beings first and foremost. They are good people. We have things in common obviously. We once had a mutual affection for each other. I care about their well-being not just because we have a history, but because they are my people, just like any other platonic friendship I have. So why shouldn't that be translated to a friendship?

Perhaps it takes a while to get to a place where you can be friends. For example, one of my ex-boyfriends who I dated for almost two years.... {This could be awkward if he's reading this.} Needless to say I loved him at one time. Eventually we broke up and moved on. He started dating another girl. At that time there is no way I could have been friends with him. Yes, I was happy for him. But a part of me was still bitter about our relationship. Today, I am not the same person. I truly could be friends with any of his future girlfriends and wish him the best. The love I have for him now comes from a much different place then it did when we were dating. Both he and I have to accept that to be able to forge a healthy and peaceful friendship.

Being able to accept that your significant other is still friends with their exes is an extremely personal decision. I believe that if you trust your partner, are honest with each other, and know that their love for you cannot compare to the love they had to any of their past relationships, I say its possible. Letting jealousy and concern for past relationships come between your current relationship is the quickest way to ruin something--true for any circumstance I think. Am I crazy and delusional?

I think a good criteria for any boyfriend is this: Ask yourself if you could see yourself being friends with him should things not work out. If the answer is no, think about why it's no. Is it because you fundamentally don't like something about him? Are you too different to be friends? Chances are things may not work out in the long run for your relationship... Just saying.

And those are my deep thoughts for this Friday. Happy weekend loves!

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